I happened to see this book cover in a window display while walking through the mall today:
And my mind immediately went here:
..RIGHT?*
Anyway, upon reaching this, my train of thought's rather odd and unplanned destination, two things occurred to me.
1) I don't think aiming to very literally resemble Janice the muppet is the right strategy to being thought of as sexy. Although she would ostensibly be the "sexiest" of them (cool attitude, musically inclined, big pouty lips), I'm probably within the majority when I say that I've never found a muppet sexually appealing.
2) This could, on the other hand, be some bizarre subconscious effort on Ms. Somers' part to stave off the aging process by transforming into something that isn't actually alive. I guess a lot of today's well-known plastic surgery victims (Dolly, Mickey, Meg, Heidi, I could obviously go on and on...) could be said to be attempting the same thing. Like, in their twisted minds (and yes I do think there is something mentally wrong with these people), it's better to look like Barbie, or Janice, or a blow-up doll, or a cartoon, than to look *gasp* OLD. They would take rigid, plastic, cold, and lifeless over being even the slightest bit wrinkled, or gray.
To which I say... EW, gross. Aging is beautiful, and embracing your maturity and the years of life that have brought you to this moment is one of the classiest things anyone can do. This philosophy applies to both mental and physical aspects of one's being, as far as I'm concerned.
HOWEVER.
On the very very slight chance that Suzanne Somers is reading this blog right now, and this right here is my one and only shining chance to get my message across in a way that will make sense to a silicone-addled botox junkie, I present the following:
That's Hoggle, best (ok, only) known for his co-starring role alongside David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly in the classic 1986 film Labyrinth. Hoggle is a muppet. Granted, he was never really a looker, but he was a bonafide, dyed-in-the-wool, handcrafted by Henson himself, muppet. Made of foam and fibre, plastic and polyurethane, he never breathed, ate, ran or swam of his own volition. His rubbery skin was not designed to wrinkle (further). His tufty hair would never turn gray and fall out (any more than it already had).
But then someone left him in an unclaimed baggage storage locker for 30 years, and now he looks like this:
Suzanne: Did Death Becomes Her teach you NOTHING??????!?!?!!!!?
*(Sidenote, while googling a picture of Janice, I wasn't too shocked to see that I'm not the first person on the interweb to have made this comparison. Yikes.)
(Side-sidenote, who the hell photoshopped that book cover? It looks like her face is two-dimensional.)
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